Weary, but Content

First off, the month since I blogged last has FLOWN by. It was Easter the last time I was on this thing. EASTER. I mean… Crap. Let’s do a quick recap of my life. First off, my summer is kinda busted. No Alaska, Maryland, or Washington.. Instead a whole lotta Hattiesburg. I’ll be taking Physics 2 and working in a lab (that I don’t always particularly enjoy) alllllll summer. But, honestly I feel like God has a plan always, so I’m good! Oh, that little Campus Ministries deal that I organized… It kinda worked. Worked a lot. 5 of the 15 or so campus ministries gave away around 1000 scantrons, 150 bluebooks, and a truck load of free publicity. It was incredible! I was SO pumped of what God did through our little ministries. And through my seriously scattered brain. I dunno if any one of the people who I was working with realized this, but organizing, seeing through, and somewhat directing a project like that was way outside of my comfort zone. I was freaking out. Crazy nervous. But as my Youth Minister has drilled into my brain, “That which does not bend, breaks.” And so last Wednesday we all lived by that term. It rained, we had to change our days, we had a ministry not help in the slightest. But through it all we planted a heck of a lot seeds on USM’s campus. I usually don’t “toot my own horn” (which I think is a disgusting sounding saying), but I really do think we planted seeds. Every time we would try and give someone a scantron they would say “Oh, I don’t wanna sign anything” or “What’s the catch?” And when we’d explain that it was completely free, they’d always ask “Why?”  People seriously don’t understand a servant’s heart, or God’s love. It’s completely foreign to them. In our world, no one understands people who just want to help out. It completely freaks them out. I’d say that’s a problem, and I’d say I wanna fix it. As I told all the people I worked with on this project, we’re gonna do a lot more on this. We’re gonna change this campus.

So all that happened. It was epic, and amazing but I’m kinda happy it’s finished because my blood pressure was at a dangerous level. Other than that… I’m a senior in college now. That happend both fairly quickly, and stupid slowly. I can’t really explain it. But most people that would read this are in college, or are graduated so you understand. Also, this aquaculture/fishionary thing sounds more and more appealing by the day. You wouldn’t even believe how much it excites me to think about. Now to just deal with Grad school. Auburn? William and Mary? Who knows. I used to say “Ah, I’ve got time.” But that’s becoming less and less true by the second.

It really is an incredible feeling when you feel that what you’re doing with your life is what God wants you to be doing. I’m of the mind that if you try and do something, and it won’t work at all that you’re probably not supposed to do it. And since everything I’ve been doing lately (with a fair share of obstacles) has been working out, I think I’m on the right track. I know I said it already, but I am incredibly excited about what this Campus Ministries deal can do for this campus. You just don’t understand how excited I am. To me, the most important thing we can do as Christians is to bring others to Christ so that they can feel his love. I think the way we do this is SERVE THE LOST. I can’t communicate to you how surprised those people were that we were just loving on them for no reason. That’s why I think we planted seeds. Seeds that will grow, and when they grow enough to where they want to do something about it; we’ll be there. And we’ll love on them some more until they are ready to turn around and love on others. If that’s not your goal as a Christian, then I think you probably have a whole lot to reconsider. Getting in the word and learning about God is so important, but it’s just wasted knowledge if you don’t use it to help others. I will stand by that claim until I go to Heaven.

As the title of this post suggests, I’m exhausted. This semester has beaten me around like a punching bag. In both good and bad ways. I’m kinda glad it’s over. I’m kinda glad I’m about to be a senior. But I’m nervous. Kinda fearful. The future scares me, especially the future I’ve chosen. But it’ll work.

I’m literally falling asleep as I type this. I think I’ll be blogging a great deal more as this summer goes on, so keep yourself posted.

Southern Miss To The Top.

The Flippant Planters (Acts 1-10)

I am still sitting in the same place I was when I posted that last post, but something really cool has happened since I posted that last post. I’m sitting outside on the patio area of the Starbucks on Hardy Street, and I am of course eavesdropping. Since I’ve been sitting here I’ve been listening to a conversation between an American guy presumably from around here and a Middle Eastern man (who I think said he was from Lebanon). Regardless, the American guy is helping the Middle Easter guy to understand English, or maybe just helping him adjust to our culture. He’s helping him out however he needs to be helped. It’s pretty cool. But just a minute ago they started talking about religion. And I’ve been sitting here listening to this man explain the Gospel to this Middle Eastern man. Who Jesus is, why Easter is important, The Holy Trinity, everything. It’s been so cool to listen to. Especially it being Easter. I just wanted to share that because you never know when you’re going to get to share the Gospel with someone. It could anywhere, anyone, anytime. Everyone on of us has a much larger impact on the ones we interact with than we realize. God moves in mysterious ways. Maybe even when you’re just helping some guy learn English, you could get to tell them about God’s love.

Now an example of the power of prayer! I went to our Easter service last night (which was incredible by the way) and there was a video testimony about a guy named Bubba. Bubba has led a rough life, one of the roughest I’ve heard of recently. Bubba fairly recently started coming to our church and also recently become saved. Which is great! But here’s the crazy God thing. When I was in high school I had the same Sunday School small group leader between 10th and 12th grade. So for about three years. My leader every now and again for the three year period would ask us to pray for a coworker of his. A guy that was going through some rough stuff and just having a really difficult time. So we prayed for this guy. I didn’t know the guy, or really hear much about him other than when we prayed for him, so I never really thought much of it. It’s been around three years since I was in the small group Sunday School class where we prayed for this guy. So needless to say, I haven’t thought about him in quite a while. Well last night Bubba was giving his testimony on the video, and he mentioned the name of the guy that encouraged him and brought him to church. The guy that brought him is my former Sunday School leader. The guy that got us to pray for his coworker all those times. The guy we were praying for WAS BUBBA. The same Bubba that just got saved. All these years later and God is still working on something we were praying for as high schoolers. I’m not saying thais to tell you that we were some kind of excellent prayer warriors (we weren’t), but to show you that God is always working! You can’t imagine how surprised and amazed I was when I made the connection. I started laughing in the middle of the testimony because I was so taken aback and happy. My friend actually thought I was being rude. Remember this when you’re praying next. Because even though it sometimes seems like your prayers are going nowhere, maybe they’re just on a slow burn. Maybe God’s just taking His time, because I can say with certainty that those prayers will get answered. Just ask Bubba.

It’s been a pretty powerful Easter weekend already. I’ve talked about the Easter story before on this blog. I actually read it in Mark Christmas Eve night, which I believe was no coincidence. But I think you already know all about Easter, His love, and what He has done for us. If you haven’t, then you probably will at some point this weekend. So instead I wanna talk about what I’ve been reading in Acts lately. This book really gets me fired up, and also makes me think a whole lot. Lemme tell you what I mean.

Acts comes after the Easter story. Pretty much it’s the disciples traveling around building up the church and starting new churches. Making disciples of all nations, some serious mission work. First I wanna just say how cool this is. This is the building of the church!! Can I say though how almost flippant the starting of these churches sounds? I’m not saying they didn’t see the importance of what they were doing, or didn’t understand what they were doing. I’m just saying they didn’t EVER call attention to themselves for what they did. It always said things like “Peter preached to the people and 5,000 were saved. Then they went to the next city…”, that’s a loose paraphrase.  But they just seemed so driven. They knew why they were doing what they were doing. They weren’t starting churches so that they could glorify themselves. They weren’t trying to make sure everyone knew how “Christian” they were. They were doing what they were doing because it was what God told them to. And they listened. Hence, the flippant planters.

Acts also has another really important principle. This is the conversion of Saul in Acts 9. Saul was one of the biggest obstacles that faced new Christians after Jesus went to heaven. Saul was murdering Christians left and right. He was a persecuting machine. And yet, God chose him to serve his kingdom. He converted Saul, and Saul became Paul. God used a man who had devoted his life to killing God’s followers to further His kingdom. That’s insane. It’s like getting the guy that stole my phone to watch my stuff for me while I go to the bathroom. God surely works in ways that we will never understand. Also, has anyone else ever considered the amount of faith in God needed by Ananias to go to Saul? Would you not be terrified if God told you to go to a local serial killer and pray for them? I would. I would take multiple weapons, probably. But Ananias went, he did question what God asked but only for a second. I would’ve taken a lot longer than a second. Key thought from this, God can use anyone to do anything that He wants done. If he can use a killer of Christians to be an incredibly pivotal figure in the makings of the church, He can most certainly use us for whatever. That’s why anytime anyone says “God can’t use me” they’re full of junk.

This excites me because I feel like the planting of churches had to be a lot of fun. I know there was A LOT of risk involved, but it had to have been a lot of fun to do what they did. I someday want to experience something like that, in some sort of capacity.

Well this is another long post and I’m feeling strangely exhausted, so I will end it here. I hope everyone has a Happy Easter! For the college peeps, we’re almost done. We’ve got around a month. Let’s end this semester well.

Ode to Inadequacies and Back-up Plans

Before I begin typing (which will most certainly end up sounding sad and ranty) I want to point out a few things that have come to my attention since I blogged last. I have over 300 visits now. For someone who isn’t making this blog to please people and have only advertised twice that I even have one… That’s pretty good. Next, I had 7 views today from the United Kingdom. Two of those views came from people searching the words “Ginger Fisherman” on Google. I really don’t know what to say to that, but I’m flattered. Now, let me get into why this post is named this way.

I have been rejected before. Several times. In several different ways. But for some reason, getting rejected by THREE different REU programs is worse. I’ll admit, when I didn’t get the Alaska REU (as of yesterday I think) I felt pretty dejected. Not just put out because I had really been banking on getting one of them, but I felt intellectually inadequate. I don’t consider myself to be stupid, and I don’t consider myself to be a genius. But I think I at least had a decent shot at one of these three REU’s. Apparently not. For a while yesterday I felt like I had nothing going for me. I began to feel like maybe I wasn’t supposed to be a marine biologist. Maybe this isn’t what I’m supposed to do. I thought stuff like: “Have I been pursuing the wrong thing for 21 years of my life?” I still don’t know the answer to these questions. It doesn’t help that every rejection I got was in the form of some emotionless “Dear John” letter. Unnnggghh. It’s really a quite terrible feeling to have when you think your life thus far may have been all for naught. If I can’t even get into a highly specialized field for one summer, how on EARTH can I get into Grad school? Get a career? Support a family? More accurately only support myself cause I won’t get married because I will have no job. Needless to say I was feeling glum yesterday afternoon. And that’s only the thoughts I had immediately after being rejected. I mean, I had been daydreaming about how I would react when I got the Alaska REU. I mean geez. I felt pathetic. Then I got panic-y because now I have to come up with a FREAKING BUNCH OF SUMMER PLANS. Unnnnggghhh… Do I take a class? Do I take a trip? Do I continue to work in my dismal lab? Do I get a summer job? Do I try and get another internship? Do I have to stay in Hattiesburg? Too much to think about. Especially at this point in the semester. A lot is going on right now, without all of this nonsense.

Now, I’ve pretty much gotten over the small bout of sadness I had. So please, I do not need cheering up of any kind. I’m fine. Everyone goes through little things like that, and they deal with them in their own ways. I dealt with mine. I’m good now. On a side note, I think everyone takes my tweets really seriously. Anytime I tweet something remotely serious, even if it’s a joke, I get bombarded with texts from people asking me if I’m ok. Am I on some kind of depression watch list and don’t realize it? I appreciate the texts, I really do. But I must come across a lot more emotional/unstable than I really am. I’m fairly thick skinned.

So what’s going on with me now? Not a lot. Well, I say that. There is a lot. Other than the normal class, church, FCA, friends routine there have been some interesting developments. Regardless of my recent failure as a marine biologist, I am still plodding along! Right now I am thinking about going into Aquaculture/Fisheries because that seems extremely relevant. And something I could do in a missions kind of way. As someone called it, I could become a Fishonary. I really like the sound of that. That’s a world travelling kind of job, too. I feel like it’s something I could really get into, but who knows these days. I change my mind about specializations as much as other people change majors. To me this seems like something that is important to the world today as well as something that could further God’s kingdom through missions. Plus, I’d get to travel about AND play with fish all day. This would have some to do with aquarium style skills, so I would probably enjoy that too. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately, and I feel like if I had to choose a career path at this very moment I would try and become a “Fishonary.”

I’m very thankful to have the friends I have. I have been talking with them about all my Different Pulls (see previous post) and stuff that goes on in my life and they have helped me a great deal. Just last night I got to talk to a good friend of mine and she told me what I already knew, but needed to hear again. God closes doors so others open. I apparently need to be in Hattiesburg this summer. For whatever reason, God wants me here. No matter how much it annoys me. Also, there are bigger things than me and my plans going on. I’ll end up doing what God has in store for me, of this I have no doubt.

Now, He is actually doing things through me right now. A few things in particular. My campus ministry thing, or as I have come to call it Campus Ministries, has taken off. It really has. And it’s scary. We are currently trying to put a plan into motion for a bit of campus outreach, set to be the week before exams. That’s about a month for a timeframe. Whew. It’s kinda nerve wracking but not so much so that it can’t be done. We’re gonna do it, one way or another. Believe me. We’re gonna do it. And that excites me. I get jacked every time I think about it. What we are doing, to me, is trying to overcome one of the biggest problems I see with Christians today. Working together is important. If we can work together, we can bring so many more people to Christ. We can be the body for Christ. I’ve never read the verse where we are called to act divided, to try and alienate each other, or judge one another. I’m pretty sure Jesus speaks against that, actually. That’s why I get so excited. We can do such cool things for USM, that’s my goal. We are all in need of a little revival on campus, and I think that this is one step in the right direction. Other than that, I feel like FCA is getting better by the day. I think that we are finally starting to get to the point that we are supposed to be, and that also gets me excited. Man, I think I say this every post but I truly do feel like God is moving at USM. And not just with what I’m involved in, but with hundreds of different things on campus. I feel like He is moving through all sorts of different people, in all sorts of different ways, but all for one goal.

This whole year has been too much for me. Just too ridiculous. So much has happened, and it’s not over. I think this month is gunning for me. But I’ll make it through I think. And then I’m a senior in college. Man. Well, I hope this post finds you in good spirits! I know mine are pretty high. Sitting outside on a beautiful day, typing about my life, a nice breeze going through the air. It’s a good day. It’s Easter. I don’t have enough space to talk about that, but I think I’m about to make another post right after this about my readings in Acts.

So anyway I hope everyone is doing incredibly! Happy Easter and have a good one!

All The Different Pulls

I just finished what must have been one of my favorite spring breaks I’ve ever had. Well, it’s technically not over but I think that the adventure has passed on. Traveling 1200 miles in 4 days is quite the undertaking. Doing it alone makes it even more special for some reason. I felt like I was questing, which is an extremely nerdy thing to say. But through the trip I both learned things and had more questions raised (of course). And because it’s just about 3 A.M. with no sleep in sight I guess I’ll type about it.

The reason I named this post the way I did is because I feel several different pulls in my life. I feel a pull to be a scientist, I feel that pull strongly. You can’t fathom (heh heh) just how much I want to be a marine biologist. I get excited every time I think about how I could eventually be sailing on that great blue expanse trying to find the new and ridiculous creatures of this world. Discovering new things about this great and wonderful planet that God gave us. Like, I really don’t think you understand how bad I want to go to the bottom of the ocean and just kinda look around. I don’t even have one thing I’m really looking for (except that rascal, the giant squid). I think I have a kind’ve Ahab-esque zeal to find the giant squid or any of his large relatives. I have always had this zeal, perhaps it wasn’t always specifically marine biology but it has always been the environment, nature, this world. It really is fascinating. I want to know everything about it. My problem has always been turning a profit with this zeal, but I’m working on that now (getting a degree and whatnot). I’m an explorer at heart. I just want to know stuff. Find stuff. Because of this, I feel like that this is my calling. That this is God’s plan for me. Why would I have such a burning passion for this stuff? Why would it fascinate me so much if I wasn’t supposed to do it? Someone from NASA (no, seriously. He’s from NASA) once told me that one does not need to be a minster to do the Lord’s work. Encouraging words from an intelligent man. To me this seemed like a solidifying of my mission in life. To go forth in a fairly God-less field and bring God with me (fighting the whole way, I’m sure). However, this year (and this trip, actually) has brought another pull to my attention.

I come from a strong Christian family. I’ve posted about my grandparents before, and how important their Faith has been to them. Thus faith has been very important to my parents, aunts, and uncles. And now faith is very important to me, my sibling, and my cousins. The whole family. It’s really quite amazing, now that I think about. Through our good times and bad we all come back to our Faith. I truly love that about my family. Throughout my life I’ve been asked millions of times if I want to follow in my father’s footsteps and become a pastor. To which I have always replied (usually almost instantaneously) heck no. I know what kind of life and job comes with being a pastor. It isn’t all happy on Sunday mornings. I mean geez, the stuff they go through. Not just pastors, any variation of minister. It’s ridiculous the crap they slog through. I get a small taste of it in my leadership role with our FCA, and usually it’s enough. However, I’ve felt a new pull as of late. Which is kind of ironic because I have literally always known what I wanted to do right up until now. Which is consequently right around the time in which I need to figure out what happens next. I feel the pull of ministry. The pull to be more than just a volunteer in ministry. I feel pulled to be a minister, missionary, campus advisor to some campus ministry. It’s weird. I’ve realized through talking with tons of different Christians over tons of different backgrounds that I really enjoy the Christian culture. I feel at home with Christian politics. I flourish some when doing what I do with FCA. I think I have my Dad’s spiritual gifts, and wouldn’t you know he used them to be a pastor. A pastor. If I become a pastor I will have no idea what happened. It makes me laugh to think about. I realize something else, though. Now maybe this is because I am young and idealistic, but I sense a movement in the church. The Christian community. Before I continue can I just share with you one of the weirdest things that has happened to me lately? I can? Ok good. I just looked up the word idealistic in my little dictionary widget because I am not always entirely sure of the definition of the words I used. Regardless, I looked it up and then looked it up in the Thesaurus part of the widget. Do you know what the sample sentence was? It said “some say I’m drawing a wildly idealistic portrait of what the Church can become.” Then the music on my laptop cut off briefly for a few seconds all on its own. THAT’S WEIRD. Basically that’s what I was about to type. I WAS THINKING THAT. Is that a God thing? Or is that a wild coincidence? Either way it freaks me out a bit.  Regardless, I have to agree with my widget on this one. I feel like God is on the move. I really do think He is moving in an increasingly bigger way on USM’s campus. But I also think that He is about to move on the world in a big way. Maybe this is how every Christian feels and I was just late to the party. But I feel like I can help. I feel like I can get involved with ministry and do God’s work on this Earth. I feel like He can do some crazy things through me, and I am willing to do it. I want to be a part of this movement. I think the responsibility is falling on my generation. And I’m ready to step up in whatever way I can. Talking with my cousin and her husband this weekend really made me realize that. There are a lot of people stepping up, some of them intelligent. A lot of them not. I feel like it’s time for me to get involved in a big way. USM now, Mississippi later? It sounds crazy. But I dunno. I feel like God is kinda crazy. In the good way of course. As in, crazy like someone who will do something unexpected that turns out to be amazing. Even if you don’t see it yet.

Maaaaaan, that was really weird earlier. Really weird. Anyway, those two pulls are just pulling me all over. I wonder if they can become one pull? I think that it’s possible. Those aren’t the only pulls. I feel pulls to leave this state. I feel a pull to find my future wife (she’s gonna be so cool). I feel a pull to step even further out of my comfort zone. I feel a pull to meet more people. I feel a pull to do missions (both at home and abroad). I feel a pull to workout. I feel a pull to read my Bible more, commune with God more.

Life is full of pulls. The important thing is to let yourself be pulled by the right things. And I realize now that if you’re letting God do all of the pulling that no matter where you’re pulled, you’ll be pulled where you’re supposed to go. And when you find yourself pulled to where you’re supposed to be, I think you’ll find that being pulled around wasn’t so bad after all.

Early Morning Musings

I’m what you would consider a night person. I wasn’t tired enough to go to sleep earlier, so I watched Transformers 3. Fairly epic movie, so now I’m slightly more awake than I was. To combat this I am doing two things, one I am watching Animal Planet. Two, I felt like I needed to get some post of out of me. I just wanna get something off my chest. We (human beings) are a species chock full of idiocy. I simply can’t fathom some of the utterly moronic things that we do as humans. This is not something I’m saying from a pedestal, I am every bit as stupid. We as humans are born thinking that we can handle things. We can do it. We got this. We’re tough, we’re strong, we don’t need help. Specifically we as Americans seem to think this way. We’re top dog, we can handle all problems. That’s the biggest load I’ve ever heard, and I realize it more and more every single solitary day. We’re full of pride, which can sometimes be code for full of hot air. We as Christians are no better. I’m not the only one who has trouble trusting God sometimes. I sit here and sin, then think well I’ll just work harder next time to keep from sinning again. Guess how well that goes. We have an Everlasting Father, God in Heaven watching out for us, loving us, and helping us (EVEN WHEN WE DON’T ASK) and we STILL have problems asking for His help. And sometimes even when we (I’m talking about me mostly now) do ask for that help, it’s not genuine. Sometimes when I ask for God’s help I do not entirely mean it, I just feel like it’s what I’m supposed to do! Ugh. I’m pathetic. I am pathetic in the sight of the Lord, and He still will help me when I ask. He still loves me. I feel like I say that in every post. But it’s still true, and it still blows my mind. To me this is a mighty fine illustration on how we will never completely fathom God. Because if we were ever in God’s position, do you think we would be patient? Full of love? Nope. I’d be friggin vengeful. Trust. In. God.

Now, I wanna say something about the Stop Kony campaign. This campaign is important, regardless of what you think. Let’s break it down slowly. Man in Africa enslaves, kills, and rapes. That’s pretty bad. People go to Africa, find this out, find it appalling, and come back to the States to try and stop it. So far so good. Realize that they cannot do this on their own. Realize that the policy makers, and people of power in the government do have the power to do this so they start a massive campaign to let the government know that people do care about Africa. Still no problems. Yet, why is it that I see so much deep seated cynicism towards trying to end this evil atrocities? I think it’s because they simply can’t help themselves. We as Americans as spoiled beyond belief. Do you know that Africans are some of the most happy and thankful people I have ever met? Because they realize how fortunate they are to have what they have, which is sometimes very little. Every American thinks they have it figured out. But it seems to me that the most vocal cynics are always the people that would never act either way, anyway. They say “You can’t do anything, you can’t help.” If that’s true, then what’s the harm in letting people try? Why not let us poor, deluded individuals be blissfully ignorant? Can I just go back to what I said about humans being moronic? It’s still true. The whole point of this initiative is to simply raise awareness so that the powers that be can help put an end to this madness. If you think it’s stupid or think that “We don’t care about American problems,” then why not start your own initiative? What’s that? You won’t? Too busy? Rather just take jabs at people on Facebook? Figures.

I’m sick and tired of facing opposition from every direction. From the people that have no reason to be opposed. People like to be difficult for no reason. They’re like career stumbling blocks. Kony needs to be stopped, and right now it’s the college aged Americans that are trying to help do it. I’d just like to step back and say how cool that is. The world is not devoid of morals or intelligence. We all recognize when something needs to end. This video is uniting America against a terrible man. Think what we can do if Kony falls. However, it’s as one of my friends said; if we do not teach these rescued kids about Jesus then they are still lost. True words.

This whole post boiled into a rant quickly. So, if you’re reading this and think I am a really angry person, I’m sorry about that. I’m really not! Sometimes I just need to get stuff off my chest. Blogs are good for that. Whew. Well, spring break is around the corner and I intended to utilize it. Have a wonderful whatever time of day you’re reading this. Until the next (hopefully less ranty) post!

The Calm Before The Corkscrews (John 11-21)

If you read my last post, you know that I have been taking a beating lately. Well, it had finally seemed to kinda level out. Life personified put his fists down, backed up, and is currently giving me some time to recover. I assume just so it’s that much more gratifying when he gets back into the ring and knocks me unconscious. But as usual, I sort of spoke too soon. Because, life is about to get really crazy again. Perhaps crazier than it originally was. Which is kinda hard to top. I described it recently as being on roller coaster (which I hate). It’s like that time on a huge roller coaster in which you just got done doing the initial spins, mach speeds, upside down crap, corkscrews, backwards mach speed upside spins. It was horrifying, I wouldn’t be enjoying myself. But, you’ve just gotten done with that and now the track has leveled out. It’s letting you regain your composure for about 15 seconds before it sends you to your doom. You see, in this part of the roller coaster you’re freaked out because of what just happened, but then you look forward. And you see the rest of the freaking coaster. It’s like the previous part, but 4 times worse. That’s where I am in my life right now; the calm before the corkscrews.

It’s kind of an uncomfortable waiting. Because I KNOW everything is about to get real hard. But it won’t happen for around 2 weeks. So I feel like I need to be as idle as much as possible before I don’t get to be idle again until the end of this school year. Ugghhh… Sends me right back to Matthew 6:27 and 6:34. Can’t worry about stuff beyond my control. Whenever time actually rolls around for the crazy to hit the fan, I think I’ll be ready. Ready to act and do some serious work. Anyway, I finished John the other day but haven’t blogged about it yet.

John 11-21 has a lot of great stuff in it. But like normal there are two things (upon skimming just now) that shot up at me. Specifically John 15-16 and 17. John 15 is about Jesus being the true vine. Other than Jesus saying that without Him we will bear no fruit. This is such pointed stuff, straight at Christians (at least my current interpretation). If you are not getting out there, doing the Lord’s work, getting in his word, or simply doing stuff you KNOW you shouldn’t do you cannot be bearing fruit. Simply can’t. We’re all guilty of it every now and again. Picture this though, if Jesus is the vine and we are the branches; what if every branch on this true vine reached out and bore fruit? Every Christian got the picture, got what Jesus was telling them and we all just started bearing fruit? Do you know how huge that vine would be? Look, it’d be a really big vine. The more fruit we bear, the more Jesus is known and the more we do to help Jesus save this world. Bear fruit. Also in at the end of John 15 Jesus calls us His friends. All of us Christians are friends of Jesus, He said it. His command is for us to love each other. It’s in the Bible. With so much idiotic bickering going on in the church these days, all this dissension and strife amongst each other I have to wonder how well we are doing with this command. But this is not all I like about John 15, and the beginning of John 16.

At the very end of John 15 and very beginning of John 16 Jesus talks about the world’s hatred for Christians. He says “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. This is why the world hates you. John 15:18-19″ I have always heard to “Be in the world, not of it.” The world (especially the current culture) does not like Christianity. We are stereotyped as right wing fanatics that hate everyone and kill everyone’s fun. We are not well liked. I have to think that this has to do with the misguided radical Christians that sometimes make the news, but it also has to do with our message. Sometimes I just need to remember that conforming to the world is not what I need to be doing, but making an example for it.

John 17 is just cool to me. The whole chapter is Jesus praying. He prays for himself, then his disciples, and then us. Is that not cool? Jesus is about to be taken by the pharisees at this point, and you know the last thing He prays about? Us. Uuuussssssssssss. I wanna put two of these prayers on here, and because they’re so cool I don’t think I really have anything to add.

For His Disciples. John 17:13-19 “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your world and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you prtect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.”

For Future Believers. John 17:20-26 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to tell the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Wow. If you knew that you were about to die, would you spend more time praying for others than yourself? I probably wouldn’t either. Jesus loves us. He wants us to be with Him. He sent us into this world on a mission. We need to set ourselves aside and realize God’s plan for our lives, his mission for our lives. I personally like mission better, it sounds more epic for some reason. I am praying that God will forgive my broken form for the sins I commit, and use me. I pray that He will use me to reach this crazy planet for Him. I know that wherever he sends me is where I need to be, and whoever he sends me to is who I need to be with. I think I am finally beginning to truly trust that fact. Regardless of the corkscrews headed my way, God has a plan. A mission. A mission I’m a part of and it’s time for me to get on the ball and get to work.

 

 

Rolling With the Punches (John 1-10)

It again has felt like eons since I last blogged. Since then I have gotten a phone, had one of the best weekends ever and generally tried (serious emphasis on tried) to run the straight and narrow path God wants me on. I’ve come to the realization that I am way more prideful than I originally thought. To me this manifests when I want people to keep me accountable for things. This could be anything from doing my homework to not messing with people as much. Regardless, it is SO hard for me to ask people to keep me accountable. Every time I’m about to ask, I just somehow convince myself that I can handle it or that it isn’t THAT bad. How stupid is that?! I could have conquered and issue and moved on, but instead I sit and try and fix things myself. The biggest problem with all this? I don’t always feel accountable with God. That is to say, I don’t feel like I’m being held accountable when I come to God with my problems. That isn’t something on God, that’s something on me. It’s just human nature for me to not be able to fully trust God sometimes because I can’t see him. This has been a kind of stumbling block for me lately, I obviously believe in what He can do just sometimes it’s hard for me to come to him with some of my issues when I can’t talk to Him about it and get a direct response. It’s my issue of trying to define God in human terms, which is wrong. If that whole block of text doesn’t make sense to you, that’s entirely fine. However, I needed to get it off my chest.

Moving on, I am on John 20 in my quiet time but haven’t blogged about John at all. So let me get caught up here with some John chapters. The beginning of John is essentially the beginning of Jesus’s mission on this Earth as he gathers disciples and begins to perform miracles. John 1 talks about John the Baptist telling of Jesus, and John 2 where Jesus turns water to wine and turns out the temple full of merchants. John 3 talks about being born again in Christ, to Nicodemus’s confusion, as well as Jesus’s mission. John 3:16, the verse quoted round the world “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” This verse has been analyzed to death, but think about it once more. For God so loved us. All of us grubby little sinners, that he sent his son (the greatest thing that ever touches this Earth) to save us. And you know the ONLY thing we have to do to received this help? Believe. It’s like what I was saying up top, sometimes this is hard for some reason. But all you have to do is believe and God’s unbelievable plan for your life will be made possible for you. You will have everlasting life. You will be saved. Just believe.

John 5 is about the healing of the man at the pool, and John 6 the feeding of the 5 thousand. In John 6 he tells the people that he is the bread of life. Pretty much the rest of John up to chapter 10 is all about the beginning of Christ’s mission on this Earth and the miracles He did to get there. However, there are two things that really hit me about these 10 chapters. The first thing is in John 8:1-11, and is basically the story of the adulterous woman who is brought before Jesus for punishment, but He says instead “Let any without sin case the first stone.” This is a story I have heard over and over, but the more I live my life in the “real world” I realize just how important it is. I can’t sit here and judge people for what their sins are, when I sin just as much. To me it’s not just the initial meaning but goes into the whole judgment issue in its entirety. I have a confession, I judge church people. Like, more than I should. I’ve grown up in the church, and as such I’ve gained the ability to spot a fake or to spot those people who are just looking for attention. They drive me insane. But, far be it from me to judge anyone. I’ve learned recently that the way people are in church, or the way some people are in general, is between them and God. I have no part in that equation. And with that being said, there’s no reason for me to spend my thoughts judging or thinking about what they’re doing. It’s practically a form of wasting time. I have enough on my plate.

The other thing that hit me about these chapters is in John 9:39-41, which talks about Spiritual Blindness. A group of Pharisees ask Jesus if they are blind, and He says if you were blind you would not be guilty of sin, but because you claim to see you are still guilty. Basically, we as Christians know what is right and what is wrong. We know how we’re supposed to live, we know what to do. We can now see because we have accepted Christ. Jesus is saying that the lost are blind, and do not know what they do because they have not come to Christ. It’s just something to think about, especially when we sin. We know what we’re doing is wrong when we sin, we can’t be like we were as kids and pretend we didn’t know. We know what we do and we know what we are supposed to do. Don’t live your life like you’re blind when you can see.

I’m not going to lie, while I have an extremely good life I am really rolling with the punches right now. It just seems like I’m in the midst of some kind of spiritual warfare, especially the more I do for Christ on this campus. It’s like I’ll take a leap forward, and then have something come out of left field to bat me back down. Stick your head up and get hammered down. Well, I’ve been sticking my head up lately. Thefts, funds, grades, school, friends. It’s just a barrage of dumb stuff I’ve been going through lately. I’m slumping hard. BUT, I know that God only puts in front of me what I can truck on through so I know I’ll see the light at the end of this crap tunnel soon. Actually I feel like I can see the light now. If you want to help me pray for two things. 1. FCA and 2. Campus Ministry Meetings. That’s two of the most important things I am doing right now, other than my own personal ministry. Regardless, I’m just gonna plod along and do what needs doing. Have I mentioned that this campus is moving for God? No? Well this campus is on the way to moving for God, and right now I think the biggest stumbling block is other Christians. But that’s for another time.

Anyway…. I’ll uh… Blog later… So, bye.

Life Lessons in Everyday Life

To me it feels like it’s been 2 months since I last blogged. It has actually been 2 weeks. Geeeez. I never knew 2 weeks could be so eventful. But I’ve never been a Junior in college before now, so that may have something to do with it. Since I last blogged I went to a crazy awesome FCA retreat, have had numerous conversations with some really awesome people, may have found a new lead in what God wants with my life, decided to apply for some REU’s to maybe spend my summer in Alaska, my phone got stolen, and apparently 111 people have visited my blog? That’s a pretty jam packed 2 weeks if I do say so myself. I’m almost starting to believe that God wants me to go into campus ministries, but at the same time I feel like he still wants me to be a marine biologist. So pretty much if there is a blend of these two things, I am going to be it. I’m pretty sure that would be the coolest job ever. Studying the ocean and bringing people to Christ. I’d be like a Lifeway themed superhero or something. Still praying about all of that. I just remembered that we also had the first campus ministry meeting! Three people showed up, but that’s totally fine! I’ve gotten more feedback and emails since then, so I think this is really something that God wants to happen for our campus. And lemme tell ya, it’s got me friggin JACKED. I’m so pumped about what God will do through this ministerial union of ours! And FCA!? Don’t get me started. FCA is amazing. Tonight was literally one of the best nights we’ve ever had. God hit me so hard with what He wanted to tell me tonight that it was crazy. But that’s a story all its own, and since I’m in Starbucks waiting for someone I think I’m gonna tell it.

So my phone got stolen earlier. Like right from behind me. It was incredibly sneaky, I would applaud this mystery thief for his/her sneakiness were it not my phone that got pilfered. And after a wild goose chase in which I traced the phone (with the help of Kevin Buckley) and saw the evil-doer drive down 4th street where eventually they tossed it into the woods on 59 while driving South. Or somewhere, the GPS isn’t super accurate. Either way, I’m pretty sure I was going to cut off the fingers of the person who stole it. I was infuriated. I mean, I didn’t really show how mad I was but I was really mad. For a while I stewed, and did my miser thing. But then I went to FCA and God proceeded to hit my so hard with what the speaker was saying and then the testimony that was given. Basically the girl is going to forgive her father (who has been absent her entire life) because God has been leading her to do so. I just stopped and though “Why am I so petty?” I mean, sure it was my phone and sure I really liked it. But if this girl can move on from what her absent father did to her, I am absolutely positive that I can move on from a stupid stolen phone. There are literally thousands of more important things for me to devote my mind to other than whining and brooding about what happened. God was like “Get over it and move on, you have so much more to do and it won’t stop and wait for you to wallow over some tiny bit of technology. Go forth, be happy and do what I put you here to do.” At least, that’s how I interpreted it. So here I am, loving life all the more and thanking God for all the great friends I have. So yeah, God pulled me through the entire message of forgiveness and moving on with my life in literally 7 hours. That God is an awesome dude.

I wanna hit on something that I learned at the College Getaway that for me is a really big deal. The very first session that we had the speaker talked about Godly grief. And basically he was saying that when we sin, we don’t sin against an otherworldly force, we don’t sin against our friends, we don’t sin against ourselves; we sin against God. This doesn’t really sound like a new concept, but really think about it. When you sin, you are ripping all over God’s commandments. Then when you repent, it’s most likely because you feel bad and want to not feel bad. Not because you’re truly sorry about what you did. Not because you truly want to be right by God. Just because you feel bad for what you did, and who wants to feel bad? When we sin we OFFEND God. The word offend is a stroooong word. It’s like you insult God with your sins, you walk up and slap him with your sins. When we repent, we should seriously mean it. Not just try and move on with our lives. The speaker said that when we truly repent it’s called Godly Grief. And when you experience Godly grief you are more on the path to repentance rather than self absolution.

God has also been helping me through this worry I’ve been going through and led me (through various people and speakers) to Matthew 6:27 and 6:34. Which say “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” and “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” For a struggling worrier like myself, these are two very helpful verses. Just something to think about for some kindred worriers out there.

Anyway, I need to talk about John. I’m on John 12 (or 13?) I’m not near my bible right now so I am not exactly sure) But because it has been two weeks I’ve kept pressing on and gotten way ahead in my Bible of where I am in my bloggin’. But now I realize that this post is extremely long already. So I may need to make a subsequent post to just deal with John 1-7 or so.

It’s really cool to see what God is doing not only in your life, your circle of friends, and your organizations but in everyone else’s as well. I went to Crusades last night and realized just how much God is doing on this campus. I know He is doing some incredible things at FCA, but because of the way I’m wired I would have never thought about how He is moving in other places. To me this is one of the main reasons having a united campus ministry is so important. But regardless of that, it’s still really cool to see other people and ministries at work. Everything’s getting serious. This campus is on the move for God, and I see it a little bit more each and every day.

So, long post. But you could’ve stopped reading at any time so I don’t really feel bad for you. Anyway, I’ve got tests to study for and phones to get, and hopefully in the near future a post about John to type. So good luck, best wishes, and go Lions.

Punching A Bed (Luke 18-24)

This week has been crazy. It’s Tuesday. It is ONLY TUESDAY. I’ve only been through one measly day of this week and it’s already knocking me around. Yesterday was full of class, making important decisions, starting groups, giving a speech, preparing for the REST of the week, being completely broke, and the dog I’ve had since was 6 having to be put down. Other than my family, I haven’t daily interacted with another organism as long as I had that dog. 15 years. Good grief.. Last night I found myself unable to sleep, and suddenly I found myself punching my bed. Just really hammering it. I guess that makes me feel better, which is a seriously stereotypical way for a guy to act. The bed didn’t deserve the beating that I gave it, but it helped me relieve some pent up stress. Every once in a while it’s good to relieve some stress in what could be considered some barbaric ways. I enjoy punching things when I’m truly stressed, and throwing a discus and screaming at the top of my lungs as it leaves my hand.

BUT, even though this week has royally sucked thus far, it has also been pretty good! FCA starts tonight, and I finally got that little campus ministry organization started! That’s pretty big. That’s two different things that I’ve been working toward for the entire fall semester and most of last year. And my speech went pretty well, I think. I think God only puts the things I can handle in my way, so I’m gonna handle it. Something serious.

Anyway, I finished Luke the other night! For me that’s a pretty serious deal, because I have NEVER had a quiet time run this long. So let’s talk about Luke.

The last 6 chapters of Luke are chock full of information and advice. Jesus talks about giving up all your possessions and following him, being humble in the way you pray, showing that faith is not just for the “righteous” but for all who will follow Him (Zacchaeus), and sharing what you know with the world. And all of this stuff is only in chapters 18 and 19. Then in chapter 20 the religious leaders question Jesus on every little thing from taxation to resurrection. Jesus says something that is particularly unsettling about religious leaders in chapter 20 verse 45: “Beware of the teachers of the law. They like to walk around in flowing robes and love to be greeted in the marketplaces and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely.” For one, we all know people like that. Maybe not to that degree but they sure as heck like for you to know that they are a Christian. And that they can pray big and look good doing it. While it is certainly not our job to pass judgment, it is our job to make sure we don’t become what we are wrongly judging. Be genuine about your faith, don’t do it because others are or because it looks good to be a Christian. To me this is one of the worst things you can do, because if you’re fake about your faith you hinder everything Jesus is trying to do in your lives and others. You become a giant stumbling block, and that is just lame.

The rest of Luke is all about the crucifixion of Jesus. Luke’s account is much more vivid than Mark’s, so there was a lot more to take in but the important message is essentially the same. Jesus died for our sins, so that we could live. Like we deserve it. Earlier in this post I complained about having too much classwork, while there are easily a million people in this world who would love to get the chance to go to school. I feel foolish for ever complaining about my problems, my pains, my worries. Because my lowest low is someone’s highest high. I hate to throw the word blessed around because I think it is overused, but I am SERIOUSLY blessed. And anyone who is reading this is seriously blessed. And anyone who is around someone who is reading this is seriously blessed, because that means they at least have access to a laptop. To me this means that I need to live with purpose. God saw fit to grant me with the life I have for a reason, and I intend to fulfill the purpose he put me on this crazy planet for.

To start, I think I’ll go have a blast at FCA tonight. Then Friday I think I’m going to talk with other Christians about how to bring the University of Southern Mississippi closer to Christ. And ya know what? I think I’m gonna be happy during all the other times in between. If Jesus died for my sins so I can live this life and glorify His name, I think I dang well owe it to Him to be happy about it.

To my esteemed readers: I bid you a fantastic evening, and I also bid you a fantastic week. Go forth and be merry.

Unspeakable Joy

I just wanna warn you, I’m in kind of a sappy mood. And as such, this next post may be kind of sappy. But it kind of ties in. Earlier I watched Incredibly Close and Extremely Loud. Incredible movie. Really heart-warming stuff. Usually I need at least 3 explosions, lots of gunfire, aliens, monsters, conspiracies or the like to make my movie experience enjoyable. But dang. This was a good movie. Almost every person in the theater cried. And I was soooo close. I have only cried a handful of times in my life for something other than pain. I can count them on one hand. That doesn’t mean I’m manly or anything, I just rarely am moved that much by something. So after this movie I was thinking about one of the only other things that can make me tear up like that. This is one of those things. I dare you to watch it without tearing up or feeling incredibly joyful after you watch it.

 

Gah. It gets me every single time. I just want to point out that I don’t go searching for this kind of stuff. Sometimes it’ll pop up on facebook and bam. It’s ridiculous. Have you ever seen anyone so full of pure joy? Ever? I am not sure that I ever have, nor do I think that I have ever had THAT much joy for something. Whenever we sing the lyric “Joy, Unspeakable Joy” that is what I think of. Because those families are bursting with joy in these moments. I feel like this is what we should be like in our faith. I mean, God is our Father and he became flesh and came to save us. Perhaps we should be a little more appreciative. Perhaps we should exhibit some of the unspeakable joy that these people have when their loved ones come home. He took away our sins, saved us, and loves us. We should ALWAYS be unspeakably joyful because of this.

I tried to tell you that this would measure in at 50 trillion on the sappy scale, but I don’t care. That video makes me realize how excited I should be about my faith, and just how unspeakably joyful I should be.